Five Things

She promised herself
To eat five things a day

Yesterday is was tomatoes
The day before grapefruit
The day before that mince meat pies.

She promised herself
To clean once day
Tomorrow it’ll be her toothbrush
Today it’s the compost heap

But yesterday was funny
Not ha-ha funny
More odd than anything else
She saw her own reflection
In the mirror by the door
So she ate her third tomato
And imagined herself as a vegetable
Slipping down the gullet
Of someone making promises.

Today she lathers her toast
With what looks to be mottled yoghurt
She got the idea while elbow-deep and cleaning.
There were five caterpillars in her fridge this morning
Only four to go ’til sundown

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